BREAKING NEWS: PDC announce new events for 2016, new prize money allocation for 2017
by Burton ‘He Only Hits 180s’ DeWitt
Continuing its rivalry with the BDO for dominance of darts, the PDC announced Friday three new events, which it expects to cancel in the coming months.
The trio of events, which will all be promoted by De:Luxe Group, will fill in the remaining holes in the PDC calendar and bring the corporation to new and exciting location.
The first of the new events, which will take place six weeks ago, will be the Players Players Championship and will be staged at Old Billingsgate, London.
“I’ve always been proud of how the PDC has risen to every hurdle the BDO has thrown in front of us,” PDC Spokeswoman Floral Piso told Tungsten Stories in an exclusive interview. “So when they decided to schedule major TV events without the ability to actually deliver the events—something we’ve never done before—we knew we had to up our game.”
“What better way to out-BDO the BDO then to schedule an event that has already not happened six weeks ago?”
The Players Players Championship would have featured 24 male and 12 female players divided into groups of three.
“We can safely say that Michael van Gerwen would have beaten Adrian Lewis for the title by 4 sets to 1,” Piso added before Barry Hearn arrived to present Michael van Gerwen with the trophy.
The second event, which will be the first known professional darts major ever staged outside of Europe or North America, will feature the top 32 players in the Order of Merit and take place at the International Space Station.
“We’ve received clearance from all the participating nations to allow us to stage this event, and we’re excited to bring professional darts to zero gravity,” Piso said, before a team of scientists walked in to let her know that it would be a safety hazard and that the odds of a 180 were almost as slim as Dave Chisnall winning a TV title.
Although acknowledging that the title is a bit of a misnomer, the PDC has tentatively named the event, which will be staged in mid-October, the PDC Moon Trophy.
The third and final event, the Lakeside World Amateur, will take place the week following the PDC World Darts Championship and will be broadcast on BBC. The event will feature 40 players from around the world at the historic Lakeside Country Club.
“We’ve have always wanted to play at the ‘Home of World Darts’” Piso said. “And with no conceivable way that the BDO will be staging an event there, we figured this would be the perfect opportunity to move in.”
“We may even stage a ladies event,” Piso added.
Although the PDC stressed that it had complete faith in De:Luxe Group to fail to find television partners or sponsors for the events, it has raised funds necessary to stage the events as a contingency in case De:Luxe somehow failed to fail to find television partners and sponsors.
The PDC also announced that for the 2017 calendar, all £12 million of prize money will go to the top eight finishers in the Premier League.
“The fans have made clear that they only care about the top eight players in the world,” Piso added. “They don’t care if Brendan Dolan gets paid, so we’re giving the fans what they want.”
And, as an added incentive, those who get relegated on Judgement Night next year will be sent to Nepal for a special web-exclusive darts match at the summit of Mount Everest. The loser must then survive one leg of 5001 against Justin Pipe or else surrender his tour card forever.